By Pascale: Can you get a spark back into a stagnant relationship or manifest the return of love after a break-up?
There are many reasons for breakups, and some of them are irreversible. Loss of respect, abusive partners, (physical, mental, emotional, etc.), belong to that group. You can and must never get back to them. If someone tells you they love you and mistreat you, they have a problem. It is not you and you are better off without that person in your life.
This article refers mostly to broken relationships or present, lifeless ones that have not fallen into the abusive category; those that deserve another chance, and whether or not they can be re-ignited.
Reviving a relationship isn’t all roses and unicorns, however: it takes two and you can’t force someone to love you again, yet I believe most of us can stop ourselves from falling out of love and get back into making love possible, although this typically requires persistent effort, such as finding creative ways to bring back a spark, open-minded communication, and a commitment to re-discovering a relationship, or re-igniting one that is lost.
Often, with time, the daily nitty-gritty of life and its commitments can wear down even the most robust relationship: “Romance is looking in at yourself through a window clouded with dew. Romance means leaving things out: where life grunts and shuffles, romance only sighs.” – Margaret Atwood.
Romance and honeymoon-like periods are exciting, fun and help shape a relationship’s foundations. But it is the strength, willingness and resilience of the couple over time that will mostly determine the relationship’s ability to ride through the rough patches, and that will help cement earlier formed foundations and make them impervious to time.
Over the course of a relationship, partners evolve, change, mature and grow in small and big ways, each at their own pace. They can grow apart. What would you do if your partner went into midlife crisis mode? Or your partner converts to a different religion, philosophy of life, or adopts a different moral code and values? Can conflicting differences, (that have nothing to do with abuse), be managed through compromise or do they cross a line and turn into sacrifice? Ultimately, your love and respect for each other can prevail and be maintained through effective communication, understanding, and allowing room for each to be who they want to be. Reaching out for support and counselling can, more often than not, be invaluable.
Every relationship has its own set of expectations and needs, and these can vary greatly. Usually, expectations can be revisited, negotiated upon, with each party’s willingness to give, support and compromise being part of the transaction. Needs are another story all together, needs imply rigidity and bring limitations, which can be much harder to overcome, because needs that aren’t met, can easily be perceived as conditional love or even as some form of abuse, so where do you draw the line? Can you identify your ex or current relationship’s expectations and needs and negotiate them or is the line between them blurred? For example, does your “need” for more or less intimacy constitute a need or an expectation? Likewise, does your “need” for your partner to stop smoking or to be by your side more often constitute a need or an expectation? The list goes on.
Naturally, over time, the interest for each other can gradually wane, and it can be difficult to pinpoint where and when the love vanished. Occasionally, doubts and insecurities create a vicious circle: if one partner’s need for reassurance, and evidence of being loved in return are constantly sought, the relationship will be overwhelmed. In other relationships, trust is broken. Still, the return of love isn’t entirely lost, implying re-commitment, open communication and the willingness to rebuild trust through understanding, patience, dedication, and usually, through counselling too, (sorry for re-iterating). ��No pain, no gain”, but change will be had and love can prevail.
At the end of the day, it is about your willingness to fight for a relationship that can make it last; but if you are not getting back your fair share from it, if anything, then take the necessary time to reflect and consider your next step and the possibility for a breakup.
Every relationship has its regular sets of ups and downs. Stress, doubt and frustrations can exhaust and drain the life out of a relationship, and which can then lead to arguments that can make you feel like the love between you never existed in the first place. Yet, when the dust settles and the energies lift up again, you can feel that love emerging once more. Remember though, some arguments are a healthy way to vent frustrations and work at them, rather than letting them build up inside you and then resulting in an “abscess where infection is free to fester”, which then becomes much more difficult to stop and manage.
With true commitment to love, you are not afraid to go out of your way to please your partner, and you will strive to make him/her happy as if your own life depended on it, or close to it. And your partner should reciprocate, otherwise the balance is unequal and the relationship will break down.
Now, what follows are fun magical ways in the form of rituals to help for the return of love. Some call them spells. I see them as a process of manifestation which sometimes works, but does not constitute a guarantee for the return of your love or revival of your relationship. In other words, give it a try but keep yourself grounded, keep it real.
These magical ways can also help you regain feelings of inner peace, calm and confidence that the whispers of your heart will be heard, while you wait or work for a lost love to return or help you revive a stagnant relationship. You will need to focus once a day (for example) on the ritual of your choice, by putting an effort into that ritual and raising your vibrations around it; this, for a short and intense period (say anywhere between 10 and 30 minutes). These rituals’ purpose is not just to help you manifest, but also to help you be aware and to focus: at no other point during your day should you allow yourself to muse over or let this longing for love to return overwhelm you or keep you distracted. And you can add to those rituals as you see fit, because your imagination needn’t be confined to any limit.
Rose Petals under your Pillow:
This is a soft, fairy tale like version of manifestation that will allow the dreamers amongst you to let the softness of your love and your intentions to nourish your dream of an ex returning or revival of your love close to you. With that ritual, please remember to maintain you sense of reality: select a soft color of one or more roses, de-petal it and lay the petals in a soft pocket, or cotton wool, and put it under your pillow, or lay the petals directly under your pillow (it needn’t be a rose, so long as the petals are fresh and possibly scented, not dried). When the night comes and you lay your head on that pillow, think positively of the person you wish to bring back into your life or the relationship you wish to invigorate (no overthinking or deep analysis of the relationship).
Ritual of Candles for Prayer:
Chose a pale colored candle, and at a calm moment in your day create a space to pray or simply communicate your love and wishes for your ex to come back or your partner to be devoted again. Repeat the prayer three times.
Glass of Water:
Fill a small, fine glass with water. Put a nice stone or crystal in it, place the glass in a special spot where it can shine and think of the love you wish to bring back. Empty the water daily, clean the glass gently and thoroughly, with soap, including the stone or crystal in it and dry them, again, with softness and gentle dedication; try and enjoy this process and repeat the next day. Do this for one week, but can be extended to four.
Journal or notes:
This is my preferred process: write a daily paragraph about that love you wished would return or revive. You could start with “What would I do to keep my love close to me?” or “What if?” or just let your imagination run free. You must keep it happy and real at the same time.
You could write this in a journal or on notes which you would place in a special spot, like a drawer, an attractive bottle, a carved box, etc. to help the concentration of energies.
Love & Light
Pascale
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