By Isabella: Does the target of your affections want to be with you? Are you giving all of your attention to a man or woman who rarely calls, texts or gets in touch?
Are you hyper-focused on having your way and forcing a relationship to work? Well then you are not alone.
Every week I get calls, mostly from women, who have set their sights on a man who simply doesn’t want them or who plays games with their heart; they pine, whine, cry, chase, hound and waste precious time and energy on pursuing rather than being the pursued. While you can force something to be, why would you? What about your self-respect and dignity? Why would anyone ever want, what time and time again, hurts or rejects them?
As a spiritual psychologist, I ponder the past life karma, the broken pieces of a soul or the emotional upheaval that would cause someone to chase a love interest. While I understand loving someone so much that you can’t bear to be without them, I often wonder if women and men realize how hollow the victory is when there is no real reward. In other words, let’s say you are able to convince the love of your life to be with you. Will they treat you like someone they adore or will they begin to resent being manipulated or coerced or with someone they never really wanted to begin with? When a man or woman truly wants you, their body language, their love language and their actions are all in sync. You feel it, you know it, you sense and can SEE it in their actions and emotions. When they don’t want you or want something permanent with you, their actions are inconsistent; they don’t respond immediately to text messages, they rarely return your calls and they don’t take the time or energy to engage…in other words, you’re pursuing them.
I speak with so many women that do not understand their own worth or innate value. When vetting a new man or partner they should be asking themselves, “Is this person worthy of my love, my time, my energy?” Loving another person is, afterall, an investment in your future.
A relationship is also an investment in your growth and well-being and while healthy conflict is good and normal, there should be a mutual give and take equal to each other’s efforts.
Another good key, is to partner with someone who’s spiritual and political foundation are similar to your own. Consider the following:
Does it add value to your life?
Does your relationship compliment or accentuate the best of you?
Does it improve who you are?
Does it bring you joy and contentment?
Now ask yourself the same questions but from the point of view of your love interest; Do YOU add value to his/her life? Do YOU bring out the best in your partner? Do YOU improve their life?
If you answered any of these questions, “No” you may want to take a look inside to see why you don’t feel you deserve to be loved fully, completely, for who you are and all you are becoming. Take a look at what you are and then you will recognize that you are attracting the same kind of partner.
If you answered “no” to those same questions about the object of your affection, it may be a wakeup call toward growing in self-awareness.
Everything is energy and we attract what we think and especially what we think about ourselves. If you are hard on yourself you will attract those who are also hard on you. If you are insecure, you will attract an insecure partner. If you are broke, depressed, anxious, emotional, paranoid, sick, pessimistic, your frequency will determine your next partner. For a healthy relationship to thrive, you have to embody the kind of person you wish to attract, then work on yourself to project and become a better version of yourself.
Everyone has flaws or areas they are working on to improve but there really is a lid for every pot. Just make sure your pot is polished, undamaged and as shiny as it can be, to attract the lid that fits perfectly. The best relationships are those that start off with two emotionally healthy human beings. Work on that before you go down the rabbit hole trying to make someone love you.
If you want to learn more on how to attract great love, a lasting relationship where the feelings are mutual, let’s talk.
Wishing you love for yourself first, then the mutual love of another.
Isabella
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